once i was at a party and they asked me what my dad did for a living and said that he died when i was 12 and of course i hear the collective “aaawww im so sorry”
and then i hear some girl whisper from the back “you’re halfway to becoming batman”
AND THAT IS HOW I MET ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS MORAL OF THE STORY IS IF YOU USE BLACK HUMOUR I WILL LOVE YOU
today these two kids in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher glared at them and said “could you try to be a little more mature?”
one of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face
have you ever thought about how weird sleeping is like we basically dress ourselves in special sleeping clothes and lay on special sleeping mats then spend the next few hours completely comatose all the while hallucinating vividly
You’re making out with your partner and things start to get hot. You start feeling under their shirt only to discover they’re wearing chain-mail.
The Rains of Castamere begins playing.